These past few weeks have been busy, leaving me short bits of time here and there to jot down quick but important lists of gratitude. While those lists are good, the fact that I've been too busy to devote more time to them is not. When I'm rushing around from event to event I'm not taking the time to slow down and really appreciate the gifts and more importantly, to process what God is doing in my heart and soul. Well today God stopped my in my tracks and left me with no escape, He allowed the pain in my soul to catch up with me, and there were no to-do lists or calendar items to get in the way.
The pain I've been ignoring is pain caused by a person close to me, I've been ignoring it cause it's felt like too much to handle, to big of a hurdle to ever jump over, especially combined with the small, daily ones.
Wait a second! Who's doing the jumping here? When has God ever given me any indication that I have to jump over life's hurdles on my own?! I've certainly tried, many times, and failed equally as many, but He is always right there to pick me up, dust me off, take me back to the beginning and carry me right over that very hurdle! He doesn't just help me, He carries me! In fact, as you've all seen, He very recently carried me over my biggest hurdle yet! So why am I doubting again? This time instead of trying to jump over the hurdle myself, I'm running away from the hurdle, as far away as possible, I don't wanna jump anymore!! Let me tell you, running from the hurdle is just as painful as falling when trying to jump on your own, and that's a bad kind of pain. I wish I could tell you that letting God carry you over the hurdle, or through the trial is pain-free, it's not. But it's certainly rewarding, and it's certainly beautiful, and it's certainly comforting. I wish I could tell you that today's realization and breaking point was the end of this trial, but it's not, in fact it's probably a lot closer to the beginning. But the despair I was feeling, and ignoring, is far worse than the productive and beautiful pain that comes with walking through it hand in hand with my Savior. Here we go, breathe in, breathe out...
3 of today's gifts:
- Beautiful brokenness
- Tender tears
- His warm embrace
- Good news
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