Beauty out of Ashes

I have great intentions of writing every night before I go to bed, but I'm usually sound asleep before I remember those good intentions. So here's yet another post a few hours late!

February 27: "3 Ugly-beautiful gifts"

I started thinking through things that are ugly and how if I look at them as gifts, then they could be beautiful. I was coming up with things like, this nasty weather, sickness, pain, loneliness, unemployment, cleaning, laundry, and many more. But then I realized that, while yes a grateful heart can make ugly things beautiful, it's what God does with the uglies in life that makes them beautiful. So here are some of the "ugly-beautifuls" that I'm thankful for today:

Sin- forgiveness
Loneliness- fellowship with Christ
Bad weather- greater enjoyment of spring
Pain- joy in experiencing the healing power of Christ

How is He turning YOUR ashes into beauty?

He's Making Lemonade

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." How many times have you heard that little phrase? I've heard it quite a few times, and it's also written, in part, above my boss's pantry, so I think about it everyday! What are my lemons? Am I making them into lemonade? While this phrase is thrown around cheaply and a little cliche, I really think there's some wisdom there. I don't think "life" is the one handing out the lemons, we personify life as if it's the determiner of our luck, and I don't think we are really capable of making something good out of our trials. I do, however, think God allows trials in our lives and I do think we have a choice of whether to focus on the sourness of the lemons, or to focus on how sweet they could be if we let their creator make them into something sweet.

Today I'm supposed to find "3 gifts found in reflection", at first I was looking for gifts literally "found in reflection", like a mirror or body of water, then I realized there's another definition of that word. So after God brought the lemonade cliche into my head, I spent some time "reflecting" on the recent lemons He's given me and how He's been making them into lemonade.

1.) Broken engagement. This was certainly a sour one, one I'd just assume throw away and forget about, didn't think I'd ever be ready to see good come of it! But God patiently waited until I was ready, until I had had time to mourn, and He started sweetening this trial. He showed me the power of forgiveness, the power of His love, the tenderness of His relationship with me, the lessons that He needed to teach me in that relationship, and what I'm really loving: He's teaching me how to be thankful. When I think about my life before all of this happened, I cringe. I'm so glad I'm not still there! I don't think I would've chosen this way to learn these lessons, and to grow and change, but I'm so thankful for how God has used this in my life. So thankful that He's brought me to this place. So thankful for Him.

2.) No job, no apartment. I thought this was a lemon at one point, but really it was lemonade in disguise! God used my hard circumstances to bring me an incredible job and an incredible living opportunity. When I stop and think about how thankful I am for my new job, and soon-to-be new condo, I am in awe of how God works. None of it is my doing!

3.) My brother's wandering. This is a fresh one, I'm really not liking it. I want to fix it, him. I want him to come home. But although this is new and fresh, God is already teaching me so much through it, and growing and stretching my faith. I can preach Gods sovereignty all day, but if I can't trust His sovereignty over my brother, it means nothing! I can say I'm trusting Him one day at a time, but if I'm constantly fretting about what tomorrow holds for Jacob and my family, it means nothing! Through His word and through the body of believers, God is gently reminding me that He's got this, and it's all going to be ok. Better than ok. I'm waiting on the edge of my seat to see Him turn these lemons into lemonade, He's doing it before our eyes. Stay tuned, the story's not over!

Promises Kept

If you had told me any facts about what my life would look like right now four months ago, I wouldn't have believed any of it. That I would be single, that I would be buying a condo, that I would be doing this job, still living in Indy, that the new people who have walked into my life would be in it, or that the people who've walked out wouldn't, I would not have believed a word of it! So much is different, just about everything is different. There are big changes that I weep over because I'm so thankful and in awe of God's provision in my life, but there are also some big changes that, just when I think I've come to terms with them, I weep at the heart ache they've caused. Lots of weeping going on! But tears release bad toxins, it's all good! :) I bring all of this up today because it has been a full Monday! I have, in one way or another, had to deal with all of the changes that have happened over the past 4 months, and let me tell you, my head is gonna hit the pillow ready for sleep tonight! On days like today I'm thankful for God's consistency and faithfulness. I'm thankful that no matter what is changing in my life, He always remains the same, and He ALWAYS keeps His promises! In a world of broken promises, that's a beautiful, tear-jerking truth! I was about to start today's post with, today it feels like too much, today it feels like He's given me more than I can handle. But then I was reminded of numerous promises He's given me to the contrary, and He brought me peace. God is good.


Those of you who faithfully follow my blog probably know that I'm a little behind, I'm gonna go a little outside the box and just list 12 things I'm thankful for over these past three days, I think it still counts! :)

1. A relaxing Saturday morning with my family
2. The comfort only a snuggly nephew can bring
3. A close bond with my sister that grows stronger every day
4. The wisdom of a brother-in-law always freely and generously given
5. A warm, comfortable bed to sleep in when my eyes can stay open no longer!
6. A welcoming body of believers to worship with every week
7. A godly pastor who speaks convicting and comforting truth
8. Wise loving parents who have walked with me faithfully every day of my life!
9. Coffee with a old/new friend, maybe my twin! :)
10. God's watch and protection over wandering souls
11. God's quick provision and guidance in my condo purchase
12. So many friends at the ready whenever I'm in need!


"There is always, always, always something to be thankful for."

Change

February 22nd: "3 Gifts that Changed Today"

There are so many things that have changed in my life in the past couple months, weeks, and days, that have led me to where I am in this moment. Really in the past couple years, nothing has happened according to my plan, but all of those changes are definitely things to be thankful for! Today, however, I'm going to keep things simple, in my effort to take things one day at a time, I'm just going to focus on what changed today (well technically yesterday:)

1.) My work schedule changed allowing me to spend the afternoon with my sister and baby Jack! What a wonderful Friday blessing! 

2.) My evening plans changed, allowing me to stay home and enjoy some good ol comfort food with my family!

3.) My attitude, it's not completely changed, but God certainly did a lot of work on it today and, although it may hurt in the moment, His work towards change in me is always a blessing.

"... Name them one by one."

Today I'm supposed to list three things "white" that I'm thankful for, and I'll do that, but I also just need to take some time and make a little list. So tonight's post comes in bullet point form:

Scrambled egg whites for breakfast, surprisingly wonderful!
My favorite creamer in my coffee
Sweet baby Jack in his fluffy white jammies
The power of prayers, and friends that will pray
The sweet baby I care for sleeping through the night
Technology that allows quick communication
Family, family, family
True friends

And most importantly the never ending mercy and grace of my Savior Jesus!


Goodnight.

Food and Fun

"A Gift at breakfast, lunch and dinner"

Breakfast: peace and quiet, and a filling meal!

Lunch: One of my favorites: spaghetti!

Dinner: All the family back together, and snuggle time with baby Jack!

Also need to record thanks for the fact that I enjoyed 3 full meals today and with plenty left over and options to say no to, my goodness I have plenty!
Also, I laughed tonight, I mean really laughed, I mean the tears of joy streaming down my face kind of laughing. I can't remember the last time I laughed like that! Such a blessing!

26 Letters

"3 Gifts that are Plan B's"

Lately I feel like I'm on plan C or D, maybe even E, but certainly not back at B! I keep thinking, "this time I've got it right, this time I'm following God's will for my life." But then He throws me another curveball. I've really been wrestling a lot lately with God and His plans for me, but one thing I have to remember, is that this is not His plan D or E, He knows what He's doing even though I may not. Although its been difficult, God is still faithful to show me glimpses into His big picture, to remind me that He's got me right where He wants me.
That was a hard paragraph to write, hard truths to swallow right in this moment. Sometimes, I'd really like to take the steering wheel, but we all know how that would turn out!

"3 Plan B's:
1.) My job caring for tiny baby Kate. While there are downsides to every job, I really do love mine! I get to spend my days meeting the needs a round, warm, cuddly, soft baby girl, and she rewards me with smiles, giggles, and hugs. I have a very strong desire to be a mom, and while I don't yet have the privilege of caring for my own children, it's a blessing to care for Kate.

2.) My new home venture. I am currently in the process of buying my friends condo. While right now, being in the midst of a loan application is not so fun, the opportunity to own my own place is very exciting! God so clearly brought this opportunity to me, He brought it to my attention the day I was about to sign a lease on another apartment! Exciting!

3.) I was prepared to offer thanks for my singleness right now, but lately that's been the joy I've been fighting hardest for and I'm not quite there yet, working on it, by the power of the Holy Spirit.
But what I will offer thanks for is the fact that I'm still living in Indiana. With every opportunity for fellowship with family and friends, I thank God that I am here to be a part of it. I'm not sure how I would've handled being so far away, given recent occurrences, and every time I see a picture of my sweet nephew, I'm so thankful he's only 2 hours away.
God has me right where he wants me.

Catching up!

Ok I'm a little behind, sleep has won the competition these past two nights! But I haven't forgotten to look for blessings, just to write them down.

Sunday: "3 gifts found in giving/serving"

1. The opportunity to see the entire congregation worship from the choir perspective.

2. A meal shared with someone unsure of her faith, the opportunity to show Christ's love.

3. The blessing it is to walk alongside a struggling friend.

Monday: "3 gifts on paper"

1. Scripture
2. Dinner menu, I was hungry! :)
3.small group notes, such a blessing to have people to do life with!

Saturday

I'm breaking the rules, there are lots of things I'm thankful for today, but none are fitting nicely into the topic of the day, so I'm just gonna pick three and that'll be that! :)

1. Good workout with my brother.

2. Lots of good relaxing chats with my family.

3. So much progress and grace in our lives over this past week. Things looked rough just 7 days ago, but God has been stepping in, in big ways.

Excited that tomorrow is Sunday! My favorite day of the week!

Beautifully Overwhelmed

What a day yesterday was. I woke up expecting it to be just like any other day, but God had something different in mind, as He most often does. During the day I went about my normal work routine, and in the quiet of caring for a three month old, I started to dwell on thoughts of loneliness and self-pity, and worse, I gave those thoughts credit and validity. I don't need to say much more about that, was just allowing myself to be in a sad mood. Well my Friday evening plans involved events that God used to first, take my perspective off of myself and my "problems", and second, offer me hope, encouragement, and evidence of His very real presence in my life. With that, let's dive into yesterday's thankfulness topic:

"A gift in loosing, finding, making something"

I love these poetic topics, they always leave me searching and thinking all day!

1.) A gift in loosing. In the midst of my self-pity and loneliness, I kept checking my phone to again read today's topic, for some reason I could not remember the words, "loosing, finding, making something."
"Loosing, finding, making something"? what am I ever going to write about today? Well, like I said, it wasn't until the end of the day when the Lord rescued me from my selfish thoughts that my eyes could be opened to His blessings. Yesterday, the thing I'm thankful for loosing, was my blindfold. I wish I could go into full detail as to what I was blindfolded to, but in vague terms it was, my sin, God's hand in my life and in the lives of my family, my continued need for His Grace and forgiveness, and I could go on and on. It wasn't that I've never seen these things before, but lately I've been choosing to live in a world of denial and God brought me out of it in a beautiful way.

2.) A gift in finding. That's the thing with loosing, it seems that one usually finds something new in return. In this instance, God certainly wasn't leaving me hanging by just helping me loose my blindfold and wrong perspective, that was blessing enough. But what I found, what He showed me, in revealing all of those things I listed was, hope. Hope in Him, in His plan, for my life, my family's life, hope in His purpose for me. Not self-pity, loneliness and despair, hope.

3.) A gift in making something. I really had to think about this third one for a while. I kept trying to think of something I had made today, something God had made.... but then I realized that "making something" is not necessarily referring to something that has been and is done being made. God whispered to me, "The something being made, is you!" Im not really sure if I have accurately described what God did in my heart last night, but friends, He is turning my world upside down, in the best way possible. He is making Himself real and known to me in a way I never thought possible. I am so thankful that He is in control, and that He is not only leading me, but walking right beside me, as He completes His work in me.

beautifully overwhelmed.

So much love

Honesty moment: all day I've been preparing my Valentines Day rant, with every bouquet pictured on facebook, every tweet proclaiming someone's undying love, and every Instagram picture of the perfect couple, my rant gained more fuel. All in all, however, a rant is a cover for loneliness, I'd rather be angry than sad, and loneliness is a cop out from true contentment, easier to be sad than happy, sometimes. So while I still am not a fan of Valentines Day, I've decided that neither my rant, nor my self-pity have any valid place written in my blog or spoken from my lips. I've been learning two hard lessons in this thankfulness journey, and if I'm really going to practice what I'm learning, I have to work on being joyful and content, even today. Those lessons being to search for blessings in everything, and to give God credit for those blessings. So instead of my rant here are....

"3 Ways you feel the Love of God" (no accident that this is the love Ann wanted us to focus on today)

1.) I feel His love through the love of my friends. You all are incredible! In the past couple months my eyes have been opened to how truly blessed I am in the friends God has brought me. I think I was taking you all for granted before. So excuse my "gushing" of late, but I love you all more than words can express, and I never want you do be in doubt of that fact!

2.) I feel His love through my family. I would be typing all night if I attempted to accurately describe how wonderful my family is. I am so thankful that they are who God has given me to struggle and learn through this life with. I think the only way to sum it up is to say, I love you all too much to cheapen it with my words!

3.) I feel His love in perfectly timed evidence of His power over me and presence with me. I wish I could tell you all how He keeps showing up in small and big ways exactly when I need a little reassurance! Maybe ill start journaling those for a later date! But let me just tell you, God is SO good.

So, all rants aside, I had a great Valentines Day, there were a few bumps a long the way, but I spent it with people I love, trust, and do life with, I'd say that's a pretty great day! :)

Always

Not feeling so thankful this evening, until I came across a photo I saved that reads, "There is always, always, always, something to be thankful for." I must focus on the things in my life there are to be thankful for, I simply must!

"3 Gifts behind a door"

1.) snuggly baby Kate when nap time is over.

2.) my cheerful, leaping puppy when I get home from a long day at work.

3.) my warm welcoming bed, when its time to sink back into sleep.

Bed of Roses

"3 Hard Eucharisteos"
I've been anticipating today's topic for a while, and not in a good way. I don't want to search for and write about things that are hard to be thankful for! I don't want to be thankful for them! But days like today are the reason for this "Joy Dare" aren't they? When there are things, or circumstances in my life in which I can only see the negative, or days when I can't find joy, I'm supposed to search for it, there is always something to be thankful for, always. Well with that in mind, here goes...


1.) My sister and her family (along with sweet baby Jack) living in Ft. Wayne. I know it's only two hours away, but when I'd like to stop by on my way home from work, it feels like twenty! But there is so much joy that I can find in this situation, Tyler has a good job, they have found an incredible church family, they are surrounded by great neighbors and play-mates for Jack, the cost of living is lower, and I could go on. I also need to focus on the fact that they are ONLY two hours away instead of twenty, I can visit on the weekends, or even make a day trip. And with technology these days, I can see Erin and baby Jack anytime I want! So much to be thankful for here!

2.) Living at home (sorry mom and dad :). There have been times when I've all but gone out and signed a lease, when frustrated with my current living situation, it's not always a bed of roses. But when I'm choosing to focus on my blessings, and on Gods plan and purpose for my life, the joy overflows! I have next to no bills, I have access to a full fridge, I get to see my parents before I leave for work and when I get home, I'm here to hang with and encourage my brother, when Erin comes to visit we are all under one roof, and not to mention, I get to cuddle with Maggie whenever I want! :) There have been so many occasions in which God has shown me why I'm here right now, He's got me right where He wants me!

3.) The fact that I'm not married right now. This is a tough one, something at times I never thought I'd thank God for. But that light at the end of the tunnel, it's glowing! When I was in the throws of sadness and confusion, so many people told me, "God has a plan" "there's another man out there for you" "better now than later" but I couldn't, and didn't want to believe any of it! But in His perfect timing, God has brought me to a place of complete peace and rest in His plan, He has given me a glimpse at the tapestry He's weaving, and it's beautiful! He has taught, and is continuing to teach me, so many valuable lessons, and Has drawn me so close to Him, that I wonder if I would've gotten here had He not taken me through this trial. I wouldn't have asked for it, and I certainly don't wanna do it again, but I also don't want to go back to the person I was before it happened. God has grown me up in Him and for that I am so thankful! No thanks to me or anything I've done, I can have joy in the midst of and in spite of whatever circumstances He brings, He has truly turned my mourning into dancing.

2 in one

February 10th: "3 Times you heard laughter today"

At church..... At lunch with dear friends..... At a friends house for relaxed fellowship!

February 11th:
There's nothing particularly wonderful about Monday mornings, I'm usually extra sleepy from having too much fun over the weekend, and struck with the reality that it's 5 more days until I get to go to sleep without setting an alarm. My alarm always comes too soon, and the drive to work is a bit of a bummer. .... Well if these are the kind of thoughts I'm dwelling on, no wonder I don't like Monday mornings! To be honest I've been coming off of the high of God doing a miraculous work in my heart and mind. I don't know exactly when or how this happened, but He freed me from the bondage of sadness and self-pity and opened my eyes to relief and joy! The initial burst of excitement followed by such a transformation simply does not last forever, it wasn't long before I was again looking for something "exciting" to bring me my daily joy. With this vicious cycle I'm doomed to a roller coaster of emotions, I've got to work on consistent, Christ-inspired joy. Working on this one, one. day. at. a. time.

"3 Gifts Found in Working" (important gifts to look for when caught with the "Monday Blues"!)

1.) The feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day.

2.) The ability to earn income.

3.) Today I was hit with a wave of sadness out of the blue, I was listening to a playlist I made on spotify and the song that would've played during the first dance at my wedding came on. I wasn't expecting this, nor was I expecting the affect it had on me, but during this tough moment God brought to my attention my third gift found in working today:  the precious baby I get to care for. When I was struggling to take my thoughts captive during this tough moment, I looked down at Kate and was greeted with a precious, beautiful smile! So thankful God brought this unique job to me, and for the blessing this little soul is to me!

Count them, 1... 2... 3...

February 9th: "3 Surprise Gifts - Unexpected Grace!"

1.) Everyone in their right place.

2.) Sweet time with a friend.

3.) Laughter-filled rejoicing over the healing of a broken heart.

Taking it one day at a time right now? You made it through another one.

Adopted

Day (February) 8: " A Gift broken, fixed, thrifted."

Broken: Evidence of a broken and contrite heart before the Lord, in a friend. The beautiful kind of brokenness.

Fixed: My despairing attitude has been transformed and "fixed" by the power of the Holy Spirit. I am feeling joy and relief, feelings that are most definitely not from any of my doing. God is good and He is faithful to keep His promises.

Thrifted: I love thrift stores, I love the concept that one person's trash is another's treasure. Today I am thankful for our thrifted souls, that my soul, that should be trash because of my sin, is a treasure to Christ. He loves me in spite of my short comings and welcomes me as His adopted child. Ican't remind myself of that enough!

Perfect Timing

Oh it has been a day! One of those days I woke up expecting a chill day, and had my routine planned out, but God had something completely different in mind! One blessing of recently experiencing a big trial is that new ones don't phase me as much, God has been and is continuing to walk this journey with me, and I trust Him to continue to do so! Life is hard, and there are very difficult seasons, but He's got me! Letting go of control is so freeing! Now don't get me wrong, I don't have this all figured out, and tomorrow something could go wrong and I could flip a switch, but He's still got me.

Day (February) 7: "A Gift at 11:30, 2:30 and 6:30"

This was a fun one!
11:30: Baby Kate was sleeping so soundly, Ive been working on teaching her to sleep in her crib and today I made progress!

2:30: This was beautiful, in the midst of a rough conversation about a situation that seemed a little hopeless, I was interrupted by an alarm on my phone that said, "look for a blessing!" Perfect timing! So we stopped and looked for the good in the bad, the silver lining on the dark cloud, and we found it!

6:30: I was on my way home from a long day at work, and my favorite song came on the radio, a song with the reminder not to worry, cause God has it all figured out!

goodnight friends!

The Great Outdoors

Another long, wonderful day, ending with a fantastic discussion on "faith" at small group.
I am exhausted, in the best way!

Day (February) 6:

"3 Gifts found outside"

1. ) The sun, beautiful sun rises and sun sets, and for its much needed appearance today!

2.) Clouds, I've always loved them, hope to sky-dive through one someday!

3.) Sounds, I love the constant soundtrack God has playing.

Knit together

Day (February) 5: "A gift stitched, hammered, woven"

These three gifts to search for had me looking and thinking all day, I came up with three things, but they require a little, thinking outside the box. :)

Stitched: I'm a sucker for a good blanket! I love to keep my room cold so I can cover up with a fluffy comforter at night, and I love to snuggle up under a warm fleece afghan to watch a good movie, or take a nap on a quiet Sunday afternoon. These are certainly a gift I appreciate and all too often take for granted.

Hammered: A couple weeks ago I was browsing Pinterest and came across a quote by Abraham Lincoln, "we can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or we can rejoice because thorn bushes have roses." This short quote hit me hard, and I decided to make it my phone background. Every time I unlock my phone, I am forced to read his words, and the conviction to see God's blessings, where I'm tempted to see a curse, is new once again. Therefore, I'm going to call this my "gift hammered" because this truth has been, in a sense, hammered into my thinking. Thank you, Abraham Lincoln!

Woven: As you all know I've just started a new job caring for a 3 month old baby girl. While I have a lot of experience carry for children of all ages, other than my nephew, Kate is my first newborn. I have been challenged from the get go because Kate could not be more different than Jack, she eats differently, sleeps differently, plays differently, is growing differently, she's just completely different! It's been a frustrating, yet rewarding challenge. The reason I say all that, is because in looking for a gift that's woven today, I kept thinking of a song by Nicole Nordman entitled, "Woven and Spun". Her song is about how we have all been woven together by our Creator. Seeing the differences in these two precious babies is such a fun, beautiful reminder that we are, indeed, carefully knit together by an incredible God! Not spontaneously formed, not by accident, not coincidence, not without purpose! I love the metaphor in the word, "woven" and I love this reminder to be thankful for my Creator, in these sweet babies, Jack and Kate.

"Just another manic Monday..."

Today was a very typical working Monday, not a day for the history books, just a Monday. But, to be sentimental, life isn't made up of big events and history-making days, it's made up of the day by day nitty gritty "stuff". I am always looking forward to the next event, when there isn't something to look forward to tonight, or this weekend, I'm bummed. Not a fulfilling way to live life, no matter how big the event is, it will always come to an end. That's one of the hard lessons I've been learning these past couple months. I was looking forward to the event every little girl looks forward to her whole life, my wedding, to the man of my dreams. God keeps reminding me that this disappointement is not the end of my story, or a disappointment worth despairing over, it's just part of His story for me, a part of His plan for me, to bring Him glory.

Today's topic of thankfulness is an example of why I'm loving this "Joy Dare", never would have searched for the type of blessing I only find when I'm "bent down". But let me tell you, when Ann says that being thankful every day will increase your happiness by 25%, she is right! Maybe even to a greater degree! All day I was conscience of when I bent down and what blessings I could find in those moments, what a fun way to be challenged!

"3 Gifts found when bent down"

1.) Bending down to pick-up sweet baby Kate! Loving this snuggly warm baby!

2.) This is a stretch, but we're on a scavenger hunt for blessings right?? Bending down to pick-up and fold laundry, thankful for a working washing machine, and for clothes to wash.

3.) Bending down to pet my joyful puppy when I got home! Nothing like a cheerful greeting when walking in the door! :)

Here we go!

It's been a great Sunday, choir, coffee, catching up, great sermon, great fellowship, cozy nap, entertaining commercials ;), great Sunday.

Day (February) 3: "3 Gifts Found in Writing"

1.) Hymn lyrics: "Through the blood of Christ Thy Son, this soul can be redeemed."

2.) Encouraging text from a friend, "Praying for you."

3.) Cheerful text from my new boss, smiley faces are always good from a new employer!

First week of full-time work in over two months, starts tomorrow! Here... we... go!

3 C's

It's Saturday again. I think I've been brain washed into thinking that it's my right as a human being to be "lazy" on Saturdays. Where did that come from? Certainly not scripture! Don't get me wrong, there's nothing the matter with some good old fashioned "rest & relaxation" but I think maybe looking at it as a right is taking things a little too far. I think even R&R can be an idol, for me anyways. Just some food for thought, at least what I'm munching on, on this snowy second day of February.

Day (February) 2:  "3 Gifts on Paper"

I mentioned my propensity to, idolize my R&R, because God woke me up today with some tough reminders, and in this awakening gave me a couple, hard-to-swallow, "gifts on paper".

1.) "Challenge." I didn't print it so it was an on-screen piece of paper, but paper none-the-less, my first gift came in email form. An email from a member of my newly found, small group family. We are currently studying Hebrews using the inductive method and this week brings us to Hebrews 11. A chapter of the Bible mainly focused on faith. Well the sender of the email challenged us to dig deep in our preparations this week and really study the meaning of the word, "faith" and come up with our own definition. I'll have to admit, I wasn't so thrilled with the assignment. "You mean in addition to Observing, Interpreting, and Applying this chapter I need to do a word study on faith? It's Saturday, I have a right to be lazy today." Yep, that was my initial reaction. Well after the second episode of my new favorite show, "Ally McBeal", I couldn't ignore his challenge any longer. This led me to my second, "gift on paper".

2.) "Conviction". One of my favorites of Pastor Kauffman's sermon series' was his on Hebrews. I remember filling my Bible with his explanations of it's text, knowing one day I would need them to better understand the words. Well today was one of those days. I got out my heavy Bible and searched the pages for Pastor Kauffman's explanations of "faith". After reading a few of my less-than-legible notes, I began to get an un-settled feeling in the pit of my stomach, "Do I have faith? Real, authentic faith?" For whatever reason this led me to open a devotional my mom gave me years ago, a devotional I had previously ignored, a devotional with a randomly placed book mark. Like any logical reader, I opened the book to the book mark, only to find that it was no coincidence that I picked this book, and no coincidence that I chose the book-marked page. The title read, "Remove the Rocks" referring to the planks in our eyes we must remove before picking at the specs in others'. Without completely bearing my soul, I'll tell you that confession hasn't been high on my priority list, in light of recent events, and my lack of confession and brokenness over my sin has been affecting more areas of my life than I would like to admit! Which brings me to my third and final, "gift on paper".

3.) "Confidence". I decided it was time for confession, and I decided I should write it down, again not sure why. I pulled out my journal, opened it up and began writing. Let me tell you, ask God to open your eyes to your sin, and break you over it, He will be faithful to do so. I had plenty to write. When I finally stopped for air I was feeling pretty discouraged, but God is good and He has a plan. My journal has verses printed on every page and the verse on this particular page was Philippians 1:6 " Being confident of this very thing that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." God is good, and He has a plan. Need I say more?

Red

It's been a long, but great day! It's time for bed so it'll be short today!

Day (February) 1:

"3 Things Red"
1.) Red nail polish, and the time to paint my nails. :)
2.) Dare I say it, Netflix!? I'm thankful for the technology that helps pass the time when I need a hard day to end.
3.) My car, so blessed to have the freedom, and means to come and go as I please. So, so blessed!!