Tired

How many times have you heard the response "I'm tired" when asking the question, "How are you?". I can't count the number of times I've both heard and said those two little words, such an easy thing to let role off the tongue. It's a simple answer to a simple question, but there's so much behind those two little words!

Fatigue is something I have struggled with for a large part of my life, it started in high school when I got mono and I just haven't ever fully recovered. I have had highs, lows and in betweens, but I have aways dealt with it on some level. My friends made fun of me in college because I needed SO much sleep, really 9-12 hours! After more than one night of only 5-7 hours of sleep and I could barely function! Lately fatigue has been an even bigger battle as it's intensity grew suddenly and dramatically. It now not only affects my physical strength but my mental capability as well. I can't seem to multi-task anymore, I get brain fog and have trouble forming thoughts sometimes, and I just am not capable of doing anything as quickly as I used to be. I have been able to find some things that work to help combat some of the more extreme fatigue, but again, I have not be able to return to my normal.

While I may be struggling with fatigue in an acute way, one thing I know is that most everyone is tired. Not many people get enough sleep, schedules are full and our minds are always running.

There have been times when I have been frustrated by the need for sleep, how great would it be if we could just keep going, we would get so much done! But as I have been wrestling with God over this weak state He has me in, I have grown to appreciate my need for sleep in a whole new way. God has been teaching me about how when we are weak He is oh, so strong! The fact that we need to sleep every night is a constant reminder that we are dependent! For me, the fact that often just getting through the day is a struggle, is an intense, sometimes hourly, reminder of my dependence! I would much rather have boundless energy, be able to accomplish all that I want to accomplish, and really what it boils down to is I want to have control! If I had plenty of energy I wouldn't be limited, I wouldn't have to cancel plans last minute, I wouldn't have to drag myself through the workday, I would be able to cook yummy dinners when I get home from work, and the list in my head goes on!

I like to think that my plan is better than God's. "God don't you want me to be strong? I could do much more for you then!?" But God is not limited by my weakness, no, His strength is made perfect in it and He has so much more for me than I could ever imagine for myself. I'd like to think that He just needs me to do more for Him, but maybe it's that I just need to be. Be in His presence, be learning from Him, be listening to Him, be sitting at his feet.... because THAT is where I have all of the energy in the world to be.

As I type I am trying to preach these truths to myself, I have been wishing away these weak, tired days. I am SO ready to be on the other side of this. But I am thankful for my Savior's gentle reminders to me and His grace to sustain me. He is so good to me and I am thankful that He loves me enough to teach me things the hard way. So remind me, friends! Remind me of His strength in my weakness, remind me that He put me here and that that fact makes it so safe and so good.

On This Day

I love the new facebook feature "On this day". For those of you who aren't familiar with it, every day facebook shows you all of your posts from years past on today's date. Even though not all of the memories that pop up for me are happy memories, I love seeing how life has changed, where I was one, two, or seven years ago today, what was I doing, who was I with, what I was thinking... sometimes I wonder "what was I thinking?!" but overall it's a fun walk down memory lane every day! Lately I have been seeing a lot of my past blog posts. A few years ago I took Ann Voskamp's "Joy Dare" and wrote (most) everyday about 3 things I was thankful for. Ann's book One Thousand Gifts changed my life during a time when I needed it to be changed, and her challenge to be grateful everyday is something that has stuck with me to this day.
As I have been reading my old blog posts I have been so thankful that I took the time to write down both what I was thankful for and what God was teaching me in the midst of a hard trial. It's important that we record the work of God in our lives, life is full and busy and time flies by so fast and it's way too easy to forget where we've been and Who brought us to where we are. I also so enjoy reading my friend's blog posts, I love reading what God is doing in other's lives and how they are growing and learning. We can learn a lot from each other and life is full of joy when we can walk through our trials together!
Well, the moral of that story is that I have been convicted that I need to take the time to write again! It's not easy and it's time consuming, but I have been reminded of the importance of it. Our God is so good and He is constantly working, I don't want to forget any of His work in my life, I want to record it so I can remind myself of it when I am tempted to doubt and I want to tell my future children stories of His goodness, so many stories of His goodness!
I don't have a ton else to say today, other than to tell you that I excited to clue you in over the next days, weeks and months to what God has been teaching me. Man do I continue to have so much to learn, and re-learn, and re-learn again! But I know I am in good company and I am so thankful for the people I get to do life with.