He knew

Today was better than yesterday. God is good. I am loved.

Day (January) 31: "A gift on a paper, in a person, in a picture."

On a paper- These days I don't encounter much "paper", I look at a lot of screens, but not much paper.  When I read today's thankfulness topic I was nervous, "where am I gonna see a gift in paper?" How silly of me to ask such a question! I may think this "Joy Dare" was my idea, but it certainly wasn't! God knew I needed this challenge and He laid it right in my lap. He knew what day I would need to look for a "gift on a paper", he knew.
 Well today is Thursday, on Thursdays I have choir, and in choir we use sheet music, on paper. I don't think I have ever held my music in my hands and had feelings or thoughts of thankfulness. Maybe feelings of frustration or joy, or thoughts of confusion or accomplishment, but never thankfulness. Thanks to today, however, and to this dare, I held this paper music in my hands and was forced to think thoughts of gratitude. He knew. I'm thankful that I can read, that I can sing, that there are minds capable of composing and writing such music, that my church has a choir, and that I get to be a part of it. He knew, and I am so thankful.

In a person- If I took the time to name each and every person that has blessed me, and each and every way in which they have blessed me, you all would give up reading and go to bed! So I'm going to focus on one person and the one gift I received from her today. My sister Erin, and her sweet, consistent, encouragement. She has been here with me every step of the way (as have so many others) encouraging me, helping me, and supporting me. These past two days she has been doing so by giving me advice and cheering me on at my new job. I'm so thankful for her steadfast support. I love you Erin, don't know what I would do without you!

In a picture- This picture of my sweet nephew makes me laugh every time I look at it! Isn't he just the sweetest thing?! I love you Jack!

Tea Brewing

Big day today. My first day of work in over two months, and my first ever meeting with a loan officer, to discuss a loan for my first ever home. Big day today. All sorts of emotions associated with these "firsts". I've always been a fan of new beginnings and so called, "fresh starts", but today's new beginning was a hard one. Have you ever heard the phrase, "Every new beginning is another beginning's end?" Well all I could think about during today's new beginning was what other beginning it was an end to. Not a healthy thought. I must keep moving forward, just keep swimming, just keep breathing. After all, a concrete end to what once was, is healthy right? Yes, healthy... and painful... and good.
Today was a big day and a hard day, but it was also a blessed day. Another day behind me in this journey of one. day. at. a. time.

Day (January) 30: "3 Old things seen new"

Oh my, there are so many things I am seeing in a new light these days! God seems to be changing my perspective daily. My perspective on love, marriage, family, joy, friendship, money, time, work, sin, forgiveness, repentance, trust, respect, and I could go on! I am not exaggerating here, I have been questioning everything these days and the Lord is using my questions to give me HIS answers! He's stretching me, teaching me, guiding me, leading me, He is right, here.

Someday maybe I'll have the energy and stamina to expand on all that I'm learning concerning the above topics, but for now I'm gonna be short and sweet, after all, it's been a big day!

"3 Old things seen new"
1.) Joy chosen
2.) Candles lit
3.) Tea brewing

It's flickering

Dragging myself to the keyboard today... It's days like today that I'm thankful for the accountability of this "Joy Dare". The reminder to stop and be thankful, oh how I need it!

Day (January) 29: [Where has January gone? Must admit I'm thankful for its quick passage!]

"A song heard, a soft word, light seen"

Song Heard: Been listening to some new music this month, I needed some new tunes, new melodies to hum, new words to sing. I drove to Ft. Wayne and back these past two days, so I had lots of time to listen. Today I'm thankful for a song by Philip Phillips, a song I could've written I related to it so closely. I'm thankful to hear that others have felt, and are feeling, the same things as me.

Soft word: Reminder from Ann Voskamp, "When you give up & you break? You've made it."

Light seen: I'm beginning to see the flicker of light at the end of this long tunnel. It's there, it's flickering, I can see it! I'm seeing it in the strength God's giving me, in the new beginnings He's giving me, in the friends He's given(ing) me, and in the peace He's teaching me to have and rest in. It's flickering, I can see it.

"... A little help from my friends."

Today is a fun day, woke up this morning and drove to Ft. Wayne to babysit my sweet nephew! It's also Bachelor Monday, and as ridiculous as this show is, I can't help but enjoy it.

Day (January) 28: "3 Graces found in Friends"

I have always had a wonderful group of friends, from kindergarten to college and beyond. My friendships have always been full of laughs, tears, good food, and good fun! But my eyes have been open to the beauty of friendship in a new way after seeing my friends rally around me during this emotional crisis. Having friends and family you know you can count on for anything day or night, is priceless. So here are 3 of the blessings I've received from my friends:

1.) Tears. Whether literally or figuratively, nothing has been more comforting than a friend crying with me. Crying is humbling, and very vulnerable, so when a friend meets you where you're at in that moment, it's beautiful. "Weep with those who weep".

2.) Laughter. In the midst of a mourning period, I think the best medicine is laughter. Reminding oneself of the joy in life, and that there will be an end to the crying is, oh so, important! It takes a close friend to know when you're ready to laugh, and to let you laugh when a lot of the world is telling you to be angry and sad. Thank you friends, for laughing with me!

3.) Distraction. Like laughter there comes a time in the midst of crisis when it's time to be distracted. When it's time to do whatever it takes to think about something else, if even for just 15 minutes! I have so many friends who have been "on call" ready and waiting for when I needed to be distracted! Whether it was shopping, coffee, lunch, movie marathons, or a night out, they have been ready and waiting, even when I'm not so fun to hangout with! Thank you, so much!

The Kitchen

Yesterday's topic turned out pretty heavy and sad, I've decided I don't want to be sad today, let's keep this one light and fun! :)

Day (January) 27: "3 Gifts in the kitchen"

I think the kitchen may be my favorite room in the house! I mean, it's full of food, what's not to love!? I've hosted many a gathering in my day, and no matter how hard I try to steer the crowd elsewhere, they always gather in the kitchen! Food brings people together, it's as simple as that! My family has our best conversations around the island in the middle of our kitchen, it's wonderful. The reasons why I love the kitchen are the reasons why I love to cook, food brings people together, breaks down walls, warms you up, fulfills a need, sparks conversation, food is a beautiful and powerful thing.

I could list gifts found in the kitchen all day, but since I like symmetry, and I've been listing in three's, I'll stick with the pattern and choose my latest favorites.

1.) Hot tea, oh how I love a cup of hot, fruity tea! A kettle full of water is a staple on my stove. Few things are as wonderful as a great conversation over a great cup of tea.

2.) Blueberries, my mom has been keeping a steady supply in the fridge lately. Such a treat! Did you know that blueberries are a super food? How great is that! I love it when one of my favorite foods is packed with good-for-me nutrients! Yum!!

3.) Skillets, I know this is random, but the skillet is my favorite tool in the kitchen. I love to leave it out so it's ready whenever I'm in the mood for an omelet, scrambled eggs, some caramelized onions, quesadillas, or my favrotie: some grilled cheese. mmmmmmm ;) I am certainly thankful for this "gift in the kitchen".

Breathe in, breathe out

It's Saturday, a to-do list kind of day, a sunny, cold, stay-inside-and-be-productive kind of day. For me specifically, a take-it-one-task-at-a-time kind of day. There were a couple of things on my to-do list that I simply could not put off any longer! Hard things, things I never thought I'd have to do. First, I had to organize all of the "stuff" in my parents garage. I moved in such a shuffled, quick mess, a sad mess, a confused mess, that there was no method to the madness. Second, I had to write some difficult "thank-you notes" for sympathy gifts, and I had to return the last of the wedding gifts. Hard things.
All of this brings me to today's topic of thankfulness, "A gift before dawn, at noon, after dark". I love this! I woke up overwhelmed by the tasks ahead, then these few words reminded to take on the day in separate chunks. God knows just what I need and He plants things right where I need them. He will not give me more than I can handle!

Just keep breathing...

Day (January) 26: " A gift before dawn, at noon, after dark"

Before Dawn: Well friends, before dawn, I was sleeping! But coming out of a season in which sleep has been hard to come by, this in itself is a gift!

At Noon: Around noon I was taking a break to watch this weeks episode of one of my favorite shows, Parenthood. I love the authenticity of this show, the raw honesty, the boldness to address tough issues, the beautiful relationships, I love it! I have particularly enjoyed the adoption story this season. One of the characters went through the emotionally trying adoption process of a 10 year old, troubled boy. If you know me, you know that I am burdened for orphans and hope and pray that the Lord will allow me to adopt one day. Well this 43 minute episode of television reminded me of that burden on my heart, and that sweet, needy little souls are being adopted every day! I love adoption, and I loved this little blessing at noon! :)

After Dark: Oh how I have come to hate the dark! I'm not sure I even know how to explain it, I used to love its peace and quiet, now I distrust its loneliness and confusion. That being said, I'm supposed to list a gift found today "after dark". (This is going to be a depressing one but please don't take it that way.) It's been a sad, hard day, I had to complete hard tasks, and then I stumbled upon old emails full of sad memories. Lets just say it's a day I'm ready to have behind me. Well since today is a day I'm ready to have over with, tonight I welcome the dark, tonight, after dark, I've been reminded that tomorrow I will awake to new mercies. Tomorrow doesn't have to be hard like today. And most importantly, tomorrow is Sunday. So in a round about way, those are my "gifts after dark".
Just. Keep. Breathing.

Grace upon Grace

Day (January) 25: "A Grace Borrowed, found, inherited"

I'm not exactly sure how to interpret today's thankfulness window. So I've decided to break it into three separate graces, if you will.

Here goes...

- A Grace Borrowed:
Hmmm, "borrowed" grace... have I borrowed someone else's grace? Do I posses grace that is only to be returned in time? I'm gonna go out on a limb here, this is not a time to judge or analyze my theology, just read and take it or leave it.
I am a member of the choir at church, I have been for the past 3 years or so. This last season I wasn't able to attend regularly since I was planning my wedding and preparing to move to Florida. Well before the final performance of the semester, my plans had drastically changed and, with no wedding or move to plan, I attended the choir's dress rehearsal, simply as an observer. I will never forget what my section leader said, in an effort to encourage me to attend, "Come and listen, take it all in! It is our turn to love on and minister to you, in your time of need. I am sure there will be a time in the near future when the tables are turned, and one of us will be in need of your love and words of encouragement." I didn't know I needed to hear those words until after they were spoken. I needed to know that it was ok for me to just come needy with nothing to give. So I'm going to call this my borrowed grace: The extra measure of love poured out to me, by all of my friends and family. I hope and pray it won't be long before I can return this "borrowed grace" to the next needy soul.

- A Grace Found:
This grace presents a different challenge, I have found so many precious graces over the past few months, it's difficult to choose just one! But here's one of my favorites: the sweet grace of God in opening my eyes once again to the power and relevance of His word. I have often found that when I'm just plugging along, all peachy keen, I take scripture for granted. When life is going according to my plan, I forget to rely on God and His word for my life and breath. But it's when my plans come crashing down, when people fail me, that I'm forced to drink the scriptures deep! I am so thankful that God hasn't given up on me! That He pours on the grace! He keeps letting me rediscover the beauty and comfort of His alive and powerful word. Lord, don't let me forget this time!

- A Grace Inherited:
My best interpretation of "inherited grace" is the grace bestowed upon me because of the faithful trust and work of my parents. I know that the Lord can use whatever means He pleases to lead us to Himself, but I would not be where I am today, spiritually, without my parent's faithful guidance. They have shown me how to diligently serve and follow Christ, and how to do so with a humble heart. Christ has lavished His grace upon them and they have in turn lavished it upon me, however difficult that may be. Grace upon grace, beautifully, inherited grace.

Snuggle Buddy

Day (January) 24: "3 Things Blue"

Well today is a fun one! I cannot give thanks for three things blue without gushing over my precious, snuggly, soft, nephew! He is too wonderful of a gift to only represent one of the three things! He must encompass them all! With his sparkly blue eyes, soft blue, manly outfits, and everything blue boyishness, I love every inch of him and every minute spent with him! 

There are some obvious benefits of having a baby around, the cuddling, the giggles, the cute outfits, endless soft kisses, and I could go on. But lately I've been noticing some of the less obvious blessings. The opportunity to see life through the eyes of a child is beautiful. I love that God brings us into the world in this humble and innocent state, and that we as adults have the chance to watch little ones learn and see everything for the first time! I could sit and watch Jack learn and grow for hours! What a cool and truly miraculous thing. Thank you Lord for this gift!

Since we are on the theme of thankfulness, I must thank Jack for the comforter he has been to me over the past couple months. When the tears were flowing and the sadness deep, my sweet Jack could always bring a smile to my face. No matter what my condition, rocking this bundle of love to sleep warms my heart. I love you Jack! Thank you for your sweet, unconditional love! :) 

(I'll show this to you when you're older!)

"What a friend we have in Jesus"

(Well today's morning was certainly better than yesterday's! I was greeted by my warm, snuggly nephew! What's better than that?)

I once read a quote that said, "Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'." I certainly hope this is true, because I've been living by it!

Day (January) 23rd: "3 Gifts found in Christ"

1.) In keeping with the above quote, one of my favorite aspects of Christ are His new mercies every morning. I can have the longest day, and feel defeated at the end of it, yet still, in the morning, I am greeted by His sweet mercies, again and again. I love that He created us with the need for sleep! How exhausting would it be to simply keep going!  I love the break in between long days, and the opportunity to awake to His love and mercy!

2 and 3.) Comfort, comfort, comfort. On Sunday night, my sweet friend and pastor shared with me comforting words from John 11 about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. First he shared that, "Because Jesus loved Mary and Martha, He waited." While Jesus could've healed Lazarus as soon as He was sick, and not allowed him to die, He did not! He waited. He waited, to show Mary and Martha His power and to bring Himself glory. I would also conclude that He waited in order for Mary and Martha to trust His sovereignty to an even greater degree.
I will admit, the thought that Christ allows us to go through pain on purpose is sometimes too much to bear, there are times it makes me angry and very frustrated. It's stories like that of Lazarus, however, that give me hope and encouragement. When I see examples of God's bigger purpose I can rest in the fact that this is not the end! He's not finished with me yet! So today, my second gift found in Christ, is His promise to see me through, and to continue His work in me until the day it is completed. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...
The second comforting fact from this story, and my third gift found in Christ, is that Jesus wept with Mary and Martha. He knew that in a few minutes he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but He felt their pain and wept with them! I love this! The times when I've been most comforted and felt most loved my friends and family, is not when they've offered a solution or attempted words of comfort, but rather when they've simply felt my pain and cried with me. The times when I've felt the most comfort and even temporary relief from the pain, is when I can feel my Savior weep with me, the only One who truly knows our pain.

"What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sin and griefs to bear".

January 22nd

Ok, I'll be honest, I didn't wake up in a happy, thankful mood. I woke up with no desire or 'tangible' reason to get out of bed. I wanted to slip back into deep sleep so yet another difficult day would be behind me. Not my proudest moment, sometimes sadness takes over. It is on days like today, however, that I am thankful for the challenge to choose thankfulness over bitterness, and joy over despair.

Day (January) 22: "A gift wrinkled, smoothed, unfolded"

Another honest moment, I read today's thankfulness challenge and was left confused and kind of bummed, I think maybe I thought this would be easy. But choosing thankfulness and joy in a world bombarded with complaints, pain, and sin, is difficult! Today's challenge is particularly difficult because lately there are things, both tangible and intangible, that I've been forcing myself to wrinkle, throw away and forget, certainly not smooth and unfold! Things like, pictures, letters, memories, and hopes. But what should I be thankful for that was wrinkled and should now be smoothed and unfolded?
Well I was trying to think of something tangible, a piece of paper of sorts, but I think God is using this day to show me a much bigger and much less concrete of a thing that's been smoothed and unfolded.
That is, my participation in, worship with, service to, and direct support from the body of believers at College Park church. Since I was going to be moving to Florida and searching for a new church, a large part of my involvement in and support from College Park had to be in a sense "wrinkled" for the time being. Well let me tell you, being surrounded by and loved by it's community and serving again within its walls has been water and rest for my soul. Thank you Lord for this blessing, and for the reminder that I am never alone!

Joy Dare ~ Day 21 (better late than never)

Hello followers!

I have been aching to write again and contemplating what to write about. I have a desire to share my journey with Christ to emotional healing, but not sure how to do so.
Well, my new role model, Ann Voskamp has given us all a "Joy Dare". She has provided the window to look through, we simply have to look!
So I've decided to accept her challenge and share with you my, 365 day, journey in emotional healing, through Ann Voskamp's "Joy Dare".

I am starting late so this will take place January 21st, 2013 - January 20th 2014.

Day (January) 21: "A gift in sky, water, memory"

Sky: I got to watch beautiful snow flakes fall all morning from the comfort of my parents' home with warm hazelnut coffee in hand.

Water: A gift I so often taken for granted, crisp fresh water in unlimited supply, a blessing countless others go without.

Memory: I've been plagued with painful memories lately, but  I have also been remembering a sweet high school teacher Magister Kurt Lortz. A sweet, loving and generous man, without whom I would not be the person I am today.

choosing to be thankful today.